I know that. But I was kind of happy you compared me to one, because they've been my favorites since I was younger. I even had a pen back home with a duck's head on it!
[ so joke's on you, old man, she's always loved them. and while "younger"... isn't wrong, it still isn't right. the thought lingers in her mind as it always does and she pushes it away with a soft smile. ]
Only my book came with me, though. It's not a very special book, by the way, I just use it to keep track of this and that.
[The mention of book gets him to squint - of course it does. It draws back to that concept of the Library, once more. And this woman being so squarely in that concept, like a muddled painting he can't understand.]
You couldn't have know, Mr. Gaze. I'm sure you wouldn't have said anything if you did.
[ ... maybe. but from any other angle, he's really being sweet on her. ]
Yup! It has my three step friending process, recipes I'd like to try, notes about the people I know... plans, hobbies, projects -- anything and everything under the sun. It might sound like it's a mess, but I make sure to keep it all outlined neatly and labeled properly.
[ it also has every name of the people they've booked, the abnormalities she'd suppressed, and the general timeline of the city across pages of research, but dwbi. ]
General description: A stern man who's more business than a suit, "Mr. Red Gaze" is one of the top of his class and has a kind of presence that speaks volumes to it. He likes his coffee taken black and seems to enjoy sake, but he dislikes pointless activities and having fun.
Physical description: Very tall, lanky, and always seen with a frown or neutral expression. He tends to wear clothes that would be classified as business-casual, leaning on casual for style, and avoids bright colors. His titular gaze is sharp, cutting into any who'd dare to look back, and stops those he catches in his sights short in both terms of steps and words. His eyes are a remarkably beautiful crimson color, alive in the way a fire consumes brush when struck with a match. [ a beat. ] Scarred.
Relationship: At the moment, I can't call us friends, but I can't say we're on bad terms either. I'd like to get to know him more.
[ yeah. it is. but she does have to physically write it down, she's found; it doesn't work with recording things through her implants, and she still does need to study hard to grasp other things. but writing reports was a skill she honed, and this was just another report in the end. ]
I was plenty factual! But facts only go so far to really get a feel for something or someone, Mr. Gaze. It was important for our employees at my old workplace to understand the sort of danger they might face when working with what they did, and if it was through facts only they wouldn't be half as careful.
[ ... and if they died regardless, well. that was just how it was. ]
Simply saying you're strong doesn't give anyone an idea of how strong you are, right? But saying that you're strong, and you have the kind of presence that would leave little room for doubt... that shows you know yourself and have a kind of confidence that comes from experience. It's not fake or a bluff.
[She does sound like a manager. Though her happy-go-lucky attitude (masking duck paddling and all) seems a little too superfluous for such a position.]
....
So what was that about my eyes, then? Helping people to understand how beautiful they are? Or is that just from you?
Well... I figured most people wouldn't be able to look at them too long, and they're really stunning... and they're what you're named for, so they need special attention.
[He doesn't understand it. Roland, he could understand. He's powerful enough, they were on the same level. Malkuth, who seems to be much more powerful than assumed, shouldn't treat him like that...right?]
[ rather than he can't, he won't. he still could. prove her wrong, end her life before she can react, it'd be easy anywhere there's not a person to be found if he really cared.
but he hasn't, and she doesn't think he will. she's offered herself up on a silver platter going on twice now -- taking him out where there wasn't a soul, even with the new knowledge of her lies of omission and who she really was, and in the future should she ever need a quick hand to suppress a high threat page.
... so it's simply that. ]
You haven't had anyone who could look you in the eyes, Mr. Gaze? There's no way you were born a scary wrinkled old man.
[What does that word even mean, to them? To lost souls from a City where beloved ones could easily turn on each other for the right price? He's a monster of a man. She could've just been like that wide-eyed worker of the Syndicate who was left behind after the massacre, who had painted that lovely yet ruthless depiction of his eyes as he let her bleed out as thanks for giving him the password. His "mercy" is worse, he thinks.]
[And yet Malkuth still trusts.]
[Why?]
[Why doesn't she understand...?]
[He threads a scarred hand through his bangs, pensive once more.]
I didn't always have these eyes. [...] Only fellow Colors were able to.
[ because they knew they were just as strong. they had a fighting chance, unlike almost anyone else below them; a grade 1 might be able to glance, but they wouldn't be able to hold for long. malkuth wonders if her coworkers would be able to manage what she does too.
no, they certainly would. if for different reasons. ]
But I'm sure you've always had a mean look. When did you get them?
[ sorry if this is never said crystal i'm about to put you through a wringer ]
Of course it's important. You weren't always a Color.
[ he didn't always have that gaze he's named for. he was once just vergilius... an aspiring Fixer maybe, to change something or just survive the next day. it's things like these that she wants to discover, to learn about, to piece together as she sets a timeline of his life out in front of her.
before becoming the red gaze, and after that. what lay between? ]
Neither was the Red Mist. Kali was strong even before that, and she didn't talk too much to any of us -- but we knew we could trust her, because she believed in the same thing we did. We all walked the same path, even after... it started to fall apart.
[ splintered and crumbling, each person on their own stone trying their best to keep on. malkuth leans back in her seat, tilting her head up with a fond smile. ]
She was just a person, like anyone else. Of course it's important, Mr. Gaze. Even if the City doesn't think so.
[Kali, his predecessor. He's heard all the stories. The color of Red is a big pair of shoes to fill. It seems like they were similar, in some aspects.]
[A woman who turned her enemies into fine red mist...just like him, she had a sea of blood behind him. How did she deal with that? What did she think about it all.?]
[The fact that she was somehow around...in what, the Library?]
[Did that place attract Colors, or something?]
That's the point, though. The City churns us into what it wants us to be. It's a nice sentiment, to be a person.
[He closes his eyes momentarily, almost pained.]
But I don't know if...this old guide can be considered one anymore.
[ you'd be a wonderful human, she told a netzach who didn't believe her and who didn't believe in himself. but that's because she knows him. maybe it's because she knows gebura, who likes to mediate with her eyes closed and smoke, who seems to enjoy hod's company and is only riled by chesed's teasing, who is still always watching over them not just as their guardian, as their coworker, but as someone who finds importance in others...
... but colors aren't any different than normal people, and they're still people. her hand itches to touch him somehow, to ground him the way she had kaito, and she ends up just bumping their legs together instead. ]
I've already surprised you enough for one day, but I'm sure there's people who can't consider me a person anymore either. [ she remembers the way kaito had looked as she explained, matter-of-factly, the threat levels and what they meant for the employees who worked with them; she remembers the frustration ishmael showed at her light speech.
they still consider her a person, probably. but there's always the intial surprise or wariness. she knows she isn't normal by any stretch, for as normal as she looks and acts. ] The next stop is ours, by the way.
[He says, with little feeling. It feels misplaced. If he sat here and detailed all his sins, would she say the same? Probably not. He wouldn't, in her position.]
[One day, that bright gaze will turn away from his. They all do. Only children, perhaps, could've kept it up for longer, but he failed them. Roland did, but the City failed him, and the last time he saw him they didn't even look each other in the eyes. A mask was in the way.]
[The leg bumps into his - he shifts his hand over instinctively to grasp it, as if to push it away, but he doesn't. Realizing himself, he pulls it back to his own lap.]
That so? You're a mysterious one. But I wouldn't say that about you.
[She's strange, she's bizarre, but it feels like she's achieved something he never would. She delights in the aspects of humanity he's given up on.]
[He only nods at the last part. Almost there. Away from the warmth and closeness of this shuttle, then.]
[ misplaced as hers. she kicks her feet a bit, wondering if she listed out the numbers (never a name) of the employees who fell under her command, fell to her hand, if he'd still feel the same. maybe, if only because the body count of a Color will always be higher, but a normal Feather doesn't have one at all.
also at least wait until after dinner to touch her leg like that... wow. she's staring at it. what an odd gesture, incomplete as it was. ]
You can always ask me more questions if you'd like to dispell that mystery, you know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[More like a neutral thing but who's counting, right.]
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[ so joke's on you, old man, she's always loved them. and while "younger"... isn't wrong, it still isn't right. the thought lingers in her mind as it always does and she pushes it away with a soft smile. ]
Only my book came with me, though. It's not a very special book, by the way, I just use it to keep track of this and that.
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I really can't win with you, can I...
[The mention of book gets him to squint - of course it does. It draws back to that concept of the Library, once more. And this woman being so squarely in that concept, like a muddled painting he can't understand.]
That so. A regular journal, then?
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[ ... maybe. but from any other angle, he's really being sweet on her. ]
Yup! It has my three step friending process, recipes I'd like to try, notes about the people I know... plans, hobbies, projects -- anything and everything under the sun. It might sound like it's a mess, but I make sure to keep it all outlined neatly and labeled properly.
[ it also has every name of the people they've booked, the abnormalities she'd suppressed, and the general timeline of the city across pages of research, but dwbi. ]
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[HE IS WORRYING ABOUT IT. HE SHOULD WORRY ABOUT IT. OPEN UP THE LISA FRANK ABNORMALITIES BOOK]
How diligent. Just like an office worker. [A beat.] Guess that means you have notes on me.
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General description: A stern man who's more business than a suit, "Mr. Red Gaze" is one of the top of his class and has a kind of presence that speaks volumes to it. He likes his coffee taken black and seems to enjoy sake, but he dislikes pointless activities and having fun.
Physical description: Very tall, lanky, and always seen with a frown or neutral expression. He tends to wear clothes that would be classified as business-casual, leaning on casual for style, and avoids bright colors. His titular gaze is sharp, cutting into any who'd dare to look back, and stops those he catches in his sights short in both terms of steps and words. His eyes are a remarkably beautiful crimson color, alive in the way a fire consumes brush when struck with a match. [ a beat. ] Scarred.
Relationship: At the moment, I can't call us friends, but I can't say we're on bad terms either. I'd like to get to know him more.
[ ... ]
And then I drew a little mean face!
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[TRYING NOT TO MENTALLY TRIP AND MENTALLY HIT THE MENTAL WALL AND MENTALLY KNOCK HIMSELF OUT. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT HIS EYES AGAIN]
...You memorized it....?
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[ like it's hard? ]
That's why I write so much! Because... otherwise, I'd forget something. I've always been this way.
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[That's a real powerful memory.]
There were some poetic moments there. You'd think you'd be more factual.
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I was plenty factual! But facts only go so far to really get a feel for something or someone, Mr. Gaze. It was important for our employees at my old workplace to understand the sort of danger they might face when working with what they did, and if it was through facts only they wouldn't be half as careful.
[ ... and if they died regardless, well. that was just how it was. ]
Simply saying you're strong doesn't give anyone an idea of how strong you are, right? But saying that you're strong, and you have the kind of presence that would leave little room for doubt... that shows you know yourself and have a kind of confidence that comes from experience. It's not fake or a bluff.
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[She does sound like a manager. Though her happy-go-lucky attitude (masking duck paddling and all) seems a little too superfluous for such a position.]
....
So what was that about my eyes, then? Helping people to understand how beautiful they are? Or is that just from you?
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Well... I figured most people wouldn't be able to look at them too long, and they're really stunning... and they're what you're named for, so they need special attention.
[ they're pretty!!! ]
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You......you do realize the majority of people think they're scary. I wasn't named the "Pleasant Gaze".
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[ but she still looks into them anyway, even if she isn't right now. watching the train's marquee and looking at the ads beside it. ]
Maybe if we were still back home, I wouldn't be able to look at you. But I'm a little more confident here.
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[He doesn't understand it. Roland, he could understand. He's powerful enough, they were on the same level. Malkuth, who seems to be much more powerful than assumed, shouldn't treat him like that...right?]
What has changed? I'm the same person.
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[ rather than he can't, he won't. he still could. prove her wrong, end her life before she can react, it'd be easy anywhere there's not a person to be found if he really cared.
but he hasn't, and she doesn't think he will. she's offered herself up on a silver platter going on twice now -- taking him out where there wasn't a soul, even with the new knowledge of her lies of omission and who she really was, and in the future should she ever need a quick hand to suppress a high threat page.
... so it's simply that. ]
You haven't had anyone who could look you in the eyes, Mr. Gaze? There's no way you were born a scary wrinkled old man.
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[What does that word even mean, to them? To lost souls from a City where beloved ones could easily turn on each other for the right price? He's a monster of a man. She could've just been like that wide-eyed worker of the Syndicate who was left behind after the massacre, who had painted that lovely yet ruthless depiction of his eyes as he let her bleed out as thanks for giving him the password. His "mercy" is worse, he thinks.]
[And yet Malkuth still trusts.]
[Why?]
[Why doesn't she understand...?]
[He threads a scarred hand through his bangs, pensive once more.]
I didn't always have these eyes. [...] Only fellow Colors were able to.
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no, they certainly would. if for different reasons. ]
But I'm sure you've always had a mean look. When did you get them?
[ sorry if this is never said crystal i'm about to put you through a wringer ]
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[It might as well have been. His voice seems as cracked as old parchment of a book he doesn't like opening.]
But is it important? I am what I am now. Even this place feels fit to name me after my gaze.
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[ he didn't always have that gaze he's named for. he was once just vergilius... an aspiring Fixer maybe, to change something or just survive the next day. it's things like these that she wants to discover, to learn about, to piece together as she sets a timeline of his life out in front of her.
before becoming the red gaze, and after that. what lay between? ]
Neither was the Red Mist. Kali was strong even before that, and she didn't talk too much to any of us -- but we knew we could trust her, because she believed in the same thing we did. We all walked the same path, even after... it started to fall apart.
[ splintered and crumbling, each person on their own stone trying their best to keep on. malkuth leans back in her seat, tilting her head up with a fond smile. ]
She was just a person, like anyone else. Of course it's important, Mr. Gaze. Even if the City doesn't think so.
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[A woman who turned her enemies into fine red mist...just like him, she had a sea of blood behind him. How did she deal with that? What did she think about it all.?]
[The fact that she was somehow around...in what, the Library?]
[Did that place attract Colors, or something?]
That's the point, though. The City churns us into what it wants us to be. It's a nice sentiment, to be a person.
[He closes his eyes momentarily, almost pained.]
But I don't know if...this old guide can be considered one anymore.
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[ you'd be a wonderful human, she told a netzach who didn't believe her and who didn't believe in himself. but that's because she knows him. maybe it's because she knows gebura, who likes to mediate with her eyes closed and smoke, who seems to enjoy hod's company and is only riled by chesed's teasing, who is still always watching over them not just as their guardian, as their coworker, but as someone who finds importance in others...
... but colors aren't any different than normal people, and they're still people. her hand itches to touch him somehow, to ground him the way she had kaito, and she ends up just bumping their legs together instead. ]
I've already surprised you enough for one day, but I'm sure there's people who can't consider me a person anymore either. [ she remembers the way kaito had looked as she explained, matter-of-factly, the threat levels and what they meant for the employees who worked with them; she remembers the frustration ishmael showed at her light speech.
they still consider her a person, probably. but there's always the intial surprise or wariness. she knows she isn't normal by any stretch, for as normal as she looks and acts. ] The next stop is ours, by the way.
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[He says, with little feeling. It feels misplaced. If he sat here and detailed all his sins, would she say the same? Probably not. He wouldn't, in her position.]
[One day, that bright gaze will turn away from his. They all do. Only children, perhaps, could've kept it up for longer, but he failed them. Roland did, but the City failed him, and the last time he saw him they didn't even look each other in the eyes. A mask was in the way.]
[The leg bumps into his - he shifts his hand over instinctively to grasp it, as if to push it away, but he doesn't. Realizing himself, he pulls it back to his own lap.]
That so? You're a mysterious one. But I wouldn't say that about you.
[She's strange, she's bizarre, but it feels like she's achieved something he never would. She delights in the aspects of humanity he's given up on.]
[He only nods at the last part. Almost there. Away from the warmth and closeness of this shuttle, then.]
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[ misplaced as hers. she kicks her feet a bit, wondering if she listed out the numbers (never a name) of the employees who fell under her command, fell to her hand, if he'd still feel the same. maybe, if only because the body count of a Color will always be higher, but a normal Feather doesn't have one at all.
also at least wait until after dinner to touch her leg like that... wow. she's staring at it. what an odd gesture, incomplete as it was. ]
You can always ask me more questions if you'd like to dispell that mystery, you know.
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[He opens his mouth, closes it.]
[A wolf and a duck and a bright young lady, all in one.]
[He huffs, glancing away, feeling self-conscious for the touch, suddenly. Ugh. He really should put a stake into this tell-tale heart.]
Do you want me to ask if you've died before now, or wait for that question until dinner?
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normal dinner conversation.jpg
malkuth vc this isn't the kind of conversation you have before a drink or two
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