I did. It was the plan to die once we'd completed our work at Lobotomy Corporation, but that was stopped short. I still wanted to when I began working at the Library, I was frustrated beyond belief that it'd been stolen from us... but we weren't allowed -- I wasn't the only one who wanted to, either.
[ for different reasons, more than just herself had. the others on her level... all of them had thought about it, seen the phantom value in it, and ultimately rejected it.
she's glad they did. she'd like to see a future with them. ]
It's the path I would choose every time now. What's the point of helping to create a better future for everyone if you're not there to see it too?
[ to live, to remember, to take steps you need to ensure those mistakes don't pile up again... maybe she doesn't deserve to share in that future with the people of the city that she'd hurt. but she still wants to, and sketches the buildings shed like to see there too. ]
[She says it like death was another thing on her list of projects. It might has well have been, back then. See, this is what the City does. He wonders if she would be this blunt with someone who has never lived in that rotten hell. Probably not. He, of course, can understand it so well.]
[Her question makes him fall quiet. That dream of his, laid buried in his heart...that idealistic, reckless vision. That voice, that woman, had seen it for what it was, peeked into the stone cracks to see inside.]
[He had been tempted, then.]
[But he could not love himself enough to pull away from that ideal completely.]
It's a long painful road you travel, Miss Weiss. It's the type of road that could tear up your soul. [His voice is more hoarse.] Do you still wish to follow that flow? Even if you may not succeed?
malkuth vc this isn't the kind of conversation you have before a drink or two
[ she wouldn't. she tiptoed around the exactness of it with march and kaito, from the work they did at l corp to the sort they did in the library, avoided the horror of elijah's death and what had broken the spirit of the woman they had all followed... how things had fallen, how living beyond their purpose hadn't crossed their minds at the end of the project.
malkuth could never tell them so plainly. there's too much they don't understand, too much they would feel. it's a burden she doesn't want to inflict onto either of her dear, wonderful friends. it's a burden that she can ask vergilius to hear out instead. ]
I do. Because I know better than anyone that "may not" is better than "won't", and I won't succeed if I never step foot on that road in the first place.
[ as if she hasn't been asking him questions all day, his playing nice only lasting so long as that bottle had a drop left. and from the way he'd tipped it back, it'd run dry. ]
[A bit complicated, and he's trying to find words.]
Hard to describe. I suppose it's like...a pull. Something like a stream pulling you along. The ebbs and lows of life. You can turn your back to it. Or you can walk through it, and let it take you where it leads. Sometimes a flow can stagnate. But its unavoidable, in its own way.
[ but he's taking the time to explain it, and she watches him as she sips at her beer. a pull, something that tugs you... leads your feet, maybe, and acts as a guide. the gut instinct humans long since abandoned save for when it came to fear response. something like that.
fate, unwritten but known. angela might have felt it. it seems like something leads that book of hers, consuming knowledge until it bursts at the seams and the library with it. elijah must have felt it, face turning to something new, something inevitable. one way or another, the world would have been affected by carmen -- whether she was there or not. maybe it was something like that. ]
You're right, it is hard to describe. But thanks for trying anyway -- I think I get it a little more now, at least enough to say I'm definitely walking with mine... and that I think I get what you mean by stagnate. Sometimes everything just feels like it leads to a pool instead of the sea.
That's good! Then you can't be led astray by anything else that might pop up.
[ is what it sounds like, anyway... she'll finish off her bottle, holding it up to the light and wondering, briefly, if when she stands up, if she'll be okay. she doesn't feel bad. she could probably go for another, but she has things to do outside of this; that is something she remembers mentioning, and something she needs to keep to. but she feels fine right now.
(it has not hit her.) ]
Though I don't think anything could. You don't seem like the type of person that'd be easily distracted from what's important.
Hm. [He watches her look through the bottle - it reminds him of that moment near the cherry blossoms, when they both went too far. He doesn't even know why - no, actually, he does. Mentions of the Library. Of Roland.]
[He sighs.]
You'd be right about that. I'm not the type of person who would wander off the path. Not anymore.
[A beat - self-consciousness rises, like a little naggling thorn in the side.]
[ the question doesn't register immediately, but when it does her surprise is small but evident as she lowers the bottle to look at him. she probably shouldn't, with what... she needs to do tonight, which is walk around and take pictures of the city with all its pretty neons, but maybe that can just be a want tonight instead. she'd like to do that, but it isn't something that can't be done tomorrow.
yeah. that can be done tomorrow, and malkuth tilts her head with a teasing smile. ]
Trying to pay off your debt so soon? [ the drink he owes her, which she'd collect at some point anyway. ] I'd love one, Mr. Gaze.
[He shrugs his shoulders back casually - if it'll happen tomorrow, he'll respect the lady's wishes, at least, though a large part of him is bemoaning having to be dragged out of his place once again. Oh well.]
Thought I might as well ask. Since you...requested, and all. Never leave debts unpaid.
You don't ask people out enough. Usually they have someplace in mind before they do, just for future reference.
[ it's... cute, though, and waves to pay off their meal as she stands, hand resting on the table as she ascertains her facilities. good enough for another drink, the fried food had been a help. it's just a little buzz, cheeks pink and grin unfailing. ]
I don't know the scene... so let's walk around and see what catches our eyes. We'll go into the first bar that looks interesting. Sound good?
Does it look like I'm going to ask people out regularly, Miss Weiss.
[PLEASE!!!! PLEASE LET HIM LIVE]
[He moves to stand as soon as she does - a couple of beers only gets a faint vibe of a buzz at the edges of his senses. He's more worried - is that the word? maybe vaguely concerned - about her, but she seems upright. For now.]
...Sounds like a plan.
[A pause, and then a move forward - he's opening the door for her.]
You should! How else are you supposed to meet people, Mr. Gaze? It's fun to go out with others...
[ some of the most fun she's had, with him included. the door opens before she can even think to go for it herself and she pauses, hand dropping back to her side before she glances up at him curiously. ]
... You don't have to play the gentleman anymore, you know.
[ but it's sweet, so of course she'll step out before he can change his mind on holding it for her. ]
[Not for him, obviously. Not for him, currently here and still hanging out with her. He got some answers, he's satisfied. He doesn't need to keep this up.]
[But debts repaid...or something like that.]
[He rolls his eyes at her remark, following after her as she walks through the door.]
I can hold a door sometimes without being a gentleman, you know.
[ maybe he does have manners... or he doesn't think she's coordinated. either way, it's a nice courtesy that she won't question again as the city greets them with vibrant neons, the sound of the nightly crowd both quiet and loud as groups chat among themselves.
there's plenty of signs for different establishments, not to mention ads. bars, hotels, adult cafes... restaurants, clubs, lounges not unlike the one they, outsiders in general, had infiltrated not but a few weeks ago. the more everyday thing someone might enjoy have long since closed for now, and what they're left with are places that, even if elijah hadn't put her nose to a book, malkuth has little familiarity with.
but a bar with a robot parrot bartender sounds fun. ]
Well, I guess we've got our pick of the litter. I didn't think there'd be so many things still open.
[See, this is something he doesn't mind - there's a comfort to the hustle and bustle to the city that sits pleasantly with him. As much as he can't stand the City, there's something to the controlled chaos of a lived-in place that he naturally draws to. A place is only as much as the people who live there.]
[His own gaze casts over the options, rolling over signs, storefronts, gaggles of people. A nod is what he gives her, even as his own look is pensive.]
It has a night life. I suppose this place never sleeps. [A beat.] Anything in particular catch your eye?
[ maybe he should learn to be a little picky. it'll make choosing gifts for him easier. ]
Nothing I wouldn't look out of place in...
[ but that's fun in its own way, though she knows she'll be sticking close to vergilius rather than hitting up the local hopefuls spotting a cute girl at her first bar. malkuth scrolls through the advertisements, her eyes glowing as the implants work, and traces the map that comes up when she clicks one. ]
There's one around the corner that offers live entertainment! I've been listening to people sing all month at my job, so it'll be nice to hear a professional.
[ someone who can actually sing... bless their hearts. at least there's not enough people to warrent arm holding, though malkuth's hand raises for it before dropping again.
leading the way... a place more like one of those jazz bars, lowlights and a focus on the stage; it's quaint compared to the flashy nature of others, but it has a healthy crowd of downtrodden loners and sincere enjoyers of song among the tables. there's a space for dancing, some couples knit close together as they sway, and malkuth watches them for a moment before scanning for an open spot and taking to the bar. ]
You order us something. I don't really know drinks.
Singing as they work, huh. If a..."bodyguard" like me did that, they'd be deemed a lunatic. Guess different strokes for different folks...
[Even in lively places like this, one must stand their guard - there is a tension in his shoulders as they move to the jazz bar, his gaze brightening for a moment as he casts it over the edges of the room and the people around. When it doesn't seem like any apparent threats stick out, he relaxes by a margin, only barely noticing the hand move up and down at her side.]
...It doesn't look off.
[His best attempt at reassurance, perhaps.]
[The request makes him look over at the bartender, thinking, before he draws their attention with a tap on the counter, speaking over his shoulder to her.]
You like sake, don't you. [And to the bartender:] Two ginger nama genshu, if you know it.
[He's settling back to grab a bar stool, taking a seat.]
I had it once upon a time. It has bourbon, if I remember correctly.
[ ... that is reassuring, actually, and she joins beside him with a small hop up onto hers as the bartender sets to work; even if they hadn't known it, a quick g**gle search solves all. ]
Some might say I liked the sake a little too much. [ but it was so good...
... maybe she can still see if netzach can enjoy it, even a little... maybe not to its full extent, but maybe he'd still like it... that can be something she does with him. would that be too informal? too casual? would it be awkward? the worries in her mind pile one after the other, her question comes a beat after it really should. ]
[The pause after her remark makes him wonder - she didn't seem to remember much about the last time they met. He ponders if she had a sense of what happened after the sake settled in. The brief moment of warmth, underneath the cherry blossom petals.]
[He shrugs his shoulders back, trying to keep the swell of awkwardness at bay.]
No particular preference. I do like when its strong. Packs a punch, so to speak.
The Red Mist was the same way, when she drank at all. You'd never know if it affected her though... that woman really has a pokerface.
[ strong drinks, ones that pack a punch. she hopes she can remember to write that down on his page along with the other things she's learned about him tonight. malkuth turns in her seat to watch the performance, the drinks from before finally settling from the movement over, the new resting period with its own form of intoxication in the atmosphere.
it's a nice feeling. reminds her of the sundappled blanket during hanami, sake warm down her throat and more relaxed than she'd felt in a bit. it's life, maybe. seeing faces enjoying the simple pleasures in the world around them, rather than be worried over the looming threat. ]
Actually, you're the same way... I would've never realized you'd gotten drunk too if you didn't tell me earlier.
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[ for different reasons, more than just herself had. the others on her level... all of them had thought about it, seen the phantom value in it, and ultimately rejected it.
she's glad they did. she'd like to see a future with them. ]
It's the path I would choose every time now. What's the point of helping to create a better future for everyone if you're not there to see it too?
[ to live, to remember, to take steps you need to ensure those mistakes don't pile up again... maybe she doesn't deserve to share in that future with the people of the city that she'd hurt. but she still wants to, and sketches the buildings shed like to see there too. ]
normal dinner conversation.jpg
[Her question makes him fall quiet. That dream of his, laid buried in his heart...that idealistic, reckless vision. That voice, that woman, had seen it for what it was, peeked into the stone cracks to see inside.]
[He had been tempted, then.]
[But he could not love himself enough to pull away from that ideal completely.]
It's a long painful road you travel, Miss Weiss. It's the type of road that could tear up your soul. [His voice is more hoarse.] Do you still wish to follow that flow? Even if you may not succeed?
malkuth vc this isn't the kind of conversation you have before a drink or two
malkuth could never tell them so plainly. there's too much they don't understand, too much they would feel. it's a burden she doesn't want to inflict onto either of her dear, wonderful friends. it's a burden that she can ask vergilius to hear out instead. ]
I do. Because I know better than anyone that "may not" is better than "won't", and I won't succeed if I never step foot on that road in the first place.
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[And there's the very slight edge of a bitter, bitter smile.]
Ah. How it feels to find fellow travelers on the road...
[He lapses into silence for a moment, finishing off his second beer bottle.]
If that's the flow you follow...then you cannot be stopped.
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[ as if she hasn't been asking him questions all day, his playing nice only lasting so long as that bottle had a drop left. and from the way he'd tipped it back, it'd run dry. ]
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[His eyes open just a sliver.]
Go ahead, Miss Weiss.
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You talk a lot about flow, but I can't say I really get it. You're not just saying stuff like that to sound wise, are you?
[ like
it does make him sound old and wise, but she is curious if there's something more. ]
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[A bit complicated, and he's trying to find words.]
Hard to describe. I suppose it's like...a pull. Something like a stream pulling you along. The ebbs and lows of life. You can turn your back to it. Or you can walk through it, and let it take you where it leads. Sometimes a flow can stagnate. But its unavoidable, in its own way.
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fate, unwritten but known. angela might have felt it. it seems like something leads that book of hers, consuming knowledge until it bursts at the seams and the library with it. elijah must have felt it, face turning to something new, something inevitable. one way or another, the world would have been affected by carmen -- whether she was there or not. maybe it was something like that. ]
You're right, it is hard to describe. But thanks for trying anyway -- I think I get it a little more now, at least enough to say I'm definitely walking with mine... and that I think I get what you mean by stagnate. Sometimes everything just feels like it leads to a pool instead of the sea.
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[But now, things have changed. This flow cannot be stopped.]
[Except....well. They're here.]
[Not there.]
[Is this part of his flow...?]
I know where my flow goes now, at the very least.
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That's good! Then you can't be led astray by anything else that might pop up.
[ is what it sounds like, anyway... she'll finish off her bottle, holding it up to the light and wondering, briefly, if when she stands up, if she'll be okay. she doesn't feel bad. she could probably go for another, but she has things to do outside of this; that is something she remembers mentioning, and something she needs to keep to. but she feels fine right now.
(it has not hit her.) ]
Though I don't think anything could. You don't seem like the type of person that'd be easily distracted from what's important.
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Hm. [He watches her look through the bottle - it reminds him of that moment near the cherry blossoms, when they both went too far. He doesn't even know why - no, actually, he does. Mentions of the Library. Of Roland.]
[He sighs.]
You'd be right about that. I'm not the type of person who would wander off the path. Not anymore.
[A beat - self-consciousness rises, like a little naggling thorn in the side.]
Would you...want another drink?
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yeah. that can be done tomorrow, and malkuth tilts her head with a teasing smile. ]
Trying to pay off your debt so soon? [ the drink he owes her, which she'd collect at some point anyway. ] I'd love one, Mr. Gaze.
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[CALLED OUT...]
[He shrugs his shoulders back casually - if it'll happen tomorrow, he'll respect the lady's wishes, at least, though a large part of him is bemoaning having to be dragged out of his place once again. Oh well.]
Thought I might as well ask. Since you...requested, and all. Never leave debts unpaid.
[A huff.]
Where...would you like to go?
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You don't ask people out enough. Usually they have someplace in mind before they do, just for future reference.
[ it's... cute, though, and waves to pay off their meal as she stands, hand resting on the table as she ascertains her facilities. good enough for another drink, the fried food had been a help. it's just a little buzz, cheeks pink and grin unfailing. ]
I don't know the scene... so let's walk around and see what catches our eyes. We'll go into the first bar that looks interesting. Sound good?
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[PLEASE!!!! PLEASE LET HIM LIVE]
[He moves to stand as soon as she does - a couple of beers only gets a faint vibe of a buzz at the edges of his senses. He's more worried - is that the word? maybe vaguely concerned - about her, but she seems upright. For now.]
...Sounds like a plan.
[A pause, and then a move forward - he's opening the door for her.]
After you.
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[ some of the most fun she's had, with him included. the door opens before she can even think to go for it herself and she pauses, hand dropping back to her side before she glances up at him curiously. ]
... You don't have to play the gentleman anymore, you know.
[ but it's sweet, so of course she'll step out before he can change his mind on holding it for her. ]
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[Not for him, obviously. Not for him, currently here and still hanging out with her. He got some answers, he's satisfied. He doesn't need to keep this up.]
[But debts repaid...or something like that.]
[He rolls his eyes at her remark, following after her as she walks through the door.]
I can hold a door sometimes without being a gentleman, you know.
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[ maybe he does have manners... or he doesn't think she's coordinated. either way, it's a nice courtesy that she won't question again as the city greets them with vibrant neons, the sound of the nightly crowd both quiet and loud as groups chat among themselves.
there's plenty of signs for different establishments, not to mention ads. bars, hotels, adult cafes... restaurants, clubs, lounges not unlike the one they, outsiders in general, had infiltrated not but a few weeks ago. the more everyday thing someone might enjoy have long since closed for now, and what they're left with are places that, even if elijah hadn't put her nose to a book, malkuth has little familiarity with.
but a bar with a robot parrot bartender sounds fun. ]
Well, I guess we've got our pick of the litter. I didn't think there'd be so many things still open.
[ wao... walking around is gonna be fun. ]
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[His own gaze casts over the options, rolling over signs, storefronts, gaggles of people. A nod is what he gives her, even as his own look is pensive.]
It has a night life. I suppose this place never sleeps. [A beat.] Anything in particular catch your eye?
[He's not picky. He almost never is.]
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Nothing I wouldn't look out of place in...
[ but that's fun in its own way, though she knows she'll be sticking close to vergilius rather than hitting up the local hopefuls spotting a cute girl at her first bar. malkuth scrolls through the advertisements, her eyes glowing as the implants work, and traces the map that comes up when she clicks one. ]
There's one around the corner that offers live entertainment! I've been listening to people sing all month at my job, so it'll be nice to hear a professional.
[ someone who can actually sing... bless their hearts. at least there's not enough people to warrent arm holding, though malkuth's hand raises for it before dropping again.
leading the way... a place more like one of those jazz bars, lowlights and a focus on the stage; it's quaint compared to the flashy nature of others, but it has a healthy crowd of downtrodden loners and sincere enjoyers of song among the tables. there's a space for dancing, some couples knit close together as they sway, and malkuth watches them for a moment before scanning for an open spot and taking to the bar. ]
You order us something. I don't really know drinks.
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[Even in lively places like this, one must stand their guard - there is a tension in his shoulders as they move to the jazz bar, his gaze brightening for a moment as he casts it over the edges of the room and the people around. When it doesn't seem like any apparent threats stick out, he relaxes by a margin, only barely noticing the hand move up and down at her side.]
...It doesn't look off.
[His best attempt at reassurance, perhaps.]
[The request makes him look over at the bartender, thinking, before he draws their attention with a tap on the counter, speaking over his shoulder to her.]
You like sake, don't you. [And to the bartender:] Two ginger nama genshu, if you know it.
[He's settling back to grab a bar stool, taking a seat.]
I had it once upon a time. It has bourbon, if I remember correctly.
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Some might say I liked the sake a little too much. [ but it was so good...
... maybe she can still see if netzach can enjoy it, even a little... maybe not to its full extent, but maybe he'd still like it... that can be something she does with him. would that be too informal? too casual? would it be awkward? the worries in her mind pile one after the other, her question comes a beat after it really should. ]
Do you like bourbon? Or anything in particular?
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[He shrugs his shoulders back, trying to keep the swell of awkwardness at bay.]
No particular preference. I do like when its strong. Packs a punch, so to speak.
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[ strong drinks, ones that pack a punch. she hopes she can remember to write that down on his page along with the other things she's learned about him tonight. malkuth turns in her seat to watch the performance, the drinks from before finally settling from the movement over, the new resting period with its own form of intoxication in the atmosphere.
it's a nice feeling. reminds her of the sundappled blanket during hanami, sake warm down her throat and more relaxed than she'd felt in a bit. it's life, maybe. seeing faces enjoying the simple pleasures in the world around them, rather than be worried over the looming threat. ]
Actually, you're the same way... I would've never realized you'd gotten drunk too if you didn't tell me earlier.
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