I think... she wants to be seen. So that what she went through before doesn't happen again.
So maybe she's trying to establish herself as someone you shouldn't look away from. But that's just kind of how I feel. She didn't have a lot of self-confidence when I was getting to know her.
[ There is something kind of weird about comparing this to an actual meal, though she understands what he's getting at. And that... ]
I think there's more to it than that, but I also don't think you two will get any further if you stay where you are. Where you're at. I don't know what that looks like, if it means you talk about it or not, but all either of us can really do is guess how she feels about it. About any of this. She's the only one who knows.
... Are you satisfied with this? I mean, were you satisfied before I reached out to you?
[No of course it won't go anywhere. They've been playing these good parts, having sweet intimacy with each other, but it feels
empty, in a strange way. Not on his end, but the more he's reminded of moments like this, where Malkuth dances out of his reach in the arms of others, and he's left wanting, hungry. He tells himself he deserves it. Now, the more things go along, the more it eats at him.]
[ wow sir keep your heavy hardness for someone else?? ]
... Didn't think you'd ever ask me about something like that, but sure. [ Wow. Is this bonding? Pre-smoothie bonding???? ]
We met during the mission where we had to infiltrate an auction, so LILITH had us pose as a couple when we got paired up. It was a little awkward at first, but we wound up working well together and he told me back then that he wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on me. So I decided we should be friends and spent a long time just trying to get him to accept that.
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[His question is quiet.]
Do you think...Malkuth just likes attention from as many people as possible?
[He really doesn't mean to judge, here, but he wonders if that's a pattern.]
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So maybe she's trying to establish herself as someone you shouldn't look away from. But that's just kind of how I feel. She didn't have a lot of self-confidence when I was getting to know her.
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[It makes sense. He remembers those memories, that monstrous form, always asking for a gaze. But she's so hungry. Hungrier than expected.]
[Maybe that's the truth. His gaze can't fully satisfy her.]
And what about Izou? Do you think...this is something that falls in line with what you know of him?
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I just had to.... distance myself from it first.
[ Just to calm down. ]
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[Yeah, it must be different for her, he thinks. After all, they were officially together.]
[His and Malkuth's relationship, though close, felt like sand through the fingers sometimes.]
I don't...know what to think about all of this mess, honestly.
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[ She pats his back, lightly. ]
Well, boil it down to the most basic thoughts, for starters?
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[It's hard to put into words. It feels like tugging at a gnarled knot he's tried to put away for a while now.]
That is...she's not satisfied. Not wholly. Or at least...she feels it's okay the way it is, but she wants to truly be fulfilled by another.
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I think there's more to it than that, but I also don't think you two will get any further if you stay where you are. Where you're at. I don't know what that looks like, if it means you talk about it or not, but all either of us can really do is guess how she feels about it. About any of this. She's the only one who knows.
... Are you satisfied with this? I mean, were you satisfied before I reached out to you?
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[No of course it won't go anywhere. They've been playing these good parts, having sweet intimacy with each other, but it feels
empty, in a strange way. Not on his end, but the more he's reminded of moments like this, where Malkuth dances out of his reach in the arms of others, and he's left wanting, hungry. He tells himself he deserves it. Now, the more things go along, the more it eats at him.]
No. I wasn't. Not really.
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... ]
Then maybe we both need to have some pretty important talks with people soon. [ The same source, but different topics. ]
Because you might not agree with me, Mr. Vergilius, but I think we both deserve to know where we stand.
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[He does. At this point, something has to give.]
Do you have faith in Izou, March 7th?
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[ Firmly. ]
But that doesn't mean I still can't be hurt. Especially when he didn't tell me about it at all.
I just have faith that... if we do talk about it, we can work it out from there. I know he'll hear me out.
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...Distract me. Tell me how you two met. You're fond of him.
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... Didn't think you'd ever ask me about something like that, but sure. [ Wow. Is this bonding? Pre-smoothie bonding???? ]
We met during the mission where we had to infiltrate an auction, so LILITH had us pose as a couple when we got paired up. It was a little awkward at first, but we wound up working well together and he told me back then that he wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on me. So I decided we should be friends and spent a long time just trying to get him to accept that.
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He's much sweeter than expected under the surface, huh. Then again, not real subtle...
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[ It's adorable. ]
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[A pause. Prickly, right...]
You know his occupation, yes?
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[Not judging, but just a little surprised.]
You're okay with it?
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[As far as her choice, goes.]
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... I think we've come out of it stronger.
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Stronger? Hrm. In what way?