[ Oh... Isn't that a question? Hell, days before he was drug down this odd journey, he would have considered that it would never happen. The organization was too well run, too ready. That Jinx was perfect, and ready to blow them out of the sky, if need be. She had finally centered herself, tossed away the past, and finally let herself emerge from the waters changed.
But then. Then the sister had gotten back, and then she had --
He'd already nearly lost her. It's by some... Chance that she is not.
Is she prepared to find his body, should something happen?
He doesn't respond right away. He considers it for longer than most responses. ]
We all know death is a possibility in Zaun. It takes us young, and violently. She has already lost so many.
If they take me from her, I cannot imagine destruction she would rain on them. There would be nothing left in the end.
[ It had always been the two of them against the rest of the world. The rest of them could have all burned, for all he cared, if it meant Jinx was safe. ]
We've only had each other. Is it so surprising?
[ Silco says this like it is a nice and healthy thing. We both know it is messy and codependent. He's delusional. ]
Our problems are... never-ending in the undercity. It's not my problems, it's our problems. I always wanted more for her than that — for all of us. I want her to thrive in a Zaun that embraces her.
[ Which is the Silco equivalent of happy, perhaps. Can he even think of being truly happy? Could Jinx? Did they understand it, or were they both far too broken for that already? He says it in a way he can contextualize, and understand. ]
[ He doesn't know, really. Does she want to be understood, or just accepted? Even Silco can't say he always understood his daughter, but... the second he would do. ]
I think what she wants is to be accepted. They aren't always mutually exclusive.
Acknowledgement of her strength. Allowing her to exist without abandon or worry.
[ A long pause. Something else... Never being abandoned or left again. Never having to worry about losing anymore. He knows these wishes because he has them too, doesn't he? He chooses his words carefully here. ]
Being respected enough that you aren't pushed out of anywhere, and nobody can take from you.
[ The sound is probably one Vergilius recognizes by now, one of those low-notes of half-thought, half a note of annoyance. Mostly because, well... ]
Doesn't everyone who's lived without it? I don't think I'm much different.
[ It's more than that, of course. It always was, with Silco. There was a broken little piece of psychology, the way people looked at them that made him so driven, and so angry. He'd spent his entire life trying for that respect. The only way to get it, was to be the biggest shark in the ocean, because otherwise... it always fell apart. Always. ]
[And that is why, he thinks, his daughter and him must get along so well. Misfits, the both of them. And he, as a misfit himself, with his awkwardness in a role most people would die for a chance to have, understands it well.]
I will say I'm a little surprised. I had the impression you had all the respect you craved for, in your position.
[ But Silco was hungry, and greedy. Or perhaps, more accurately, he knew that outside of the city, there were still those who did not. Those that looked down on them like they were simply the dirt and muck under their boots.
Only good as the profit they could make. ]
There is a saying where we come from. The richest Zaunite is no better than the poorest in Piltover. If I cannot be respected, what of the rest of us? No matter what we achieve, we still do not have what we need to succeed further. Respect.
[ That's complicated, isn't it? A long time ago, he would have said that it was only respect. Even a few years ago, the night he buried a blade in Vander's belly, he would have said the same thing. But he knows the truth. He knows that they are one and the same. At least where he is from. There's no difference. To be feared is to be respected, but one cannot be respected, without being feared. ]
Once, I would have said respect.
Where I am from, you cannot have one without the other. It's a lesson I was forced to learn at great cost.
[Same thing in the City. The Head of it simply doesn't invite loyalty by being the leader of the world. Their powers are so immense they could crush opposition without a thought.]
[No. At the end of it, they are one and the same, it seems.]
And here, you seek to bring it again for your status. Though maybe nobody has learned to fear you, yet. I don't.
You see, that is the beauty of rebuilding a reputation from the ground up. Nobody has yet. They have their powers, their positions. [ look, he could just say weird flirts insults but Silco is also just silco and can't help himself ] They will learn to. They can only look away for so long.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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She understands. I've spoken to her at length about our plans. It's why she works for me. Designs weapons.
She knows what we are fighting for.
[ But it is Silco's cause, and not Jinx's cause. ]
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[A pause, and then a quieter question:]
Is she prepared for the possibility of you losing? Of losing you?
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But then. Then the sister had gotten back, and then she had --
He'd already nearly lost her. It's by some... Chance that she is not.
Is she prepared to find his body, should something happen?
He doesn't respond right away. He considers it for longer than most responses. ]
We all know death is a possibility in Zaun. It takes us young, and violently. She has already lost so many.
If they take me from her, I cannot imagine destruction she would rain on them. There would be nothing left in the end.
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[A young lady who would be willing to burn the world for her father.]
[If Garnet was returned...if Lapis got her memories back...would they do the same?]
She loves you that much.
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[ It had always been the two of them against the rest of the world. The rest of them could have all burned, for all he cared, if it meant Jinx was safe. ]
We've only had each other. Is it so surprising?
[ Silco says this like it is a nice and healthy thing. We both know it is messy and codependent. He's delusional. ]
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[But...it does make him think. How far should a parent go for their child? Should he pull her into his garden of sins?]
I hope that whatever her future is, its a happy one. The last thing I think you would want is for your problems to shackle her.
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[ He says. He believes it.
It's a lie. ]
Our problems are... never-ending in the undercity. It's not my problems, it's our problems. I always wanted more for her than that — for all of us. I want her to thrive in a Zaun that embraces her.
[ Which is the Silco equivalent of happy, perhaps. Can he even think of being truly happy? Could Jinx? Did they understand it, or were they both far too broken for that already? He says it in a way he can contextualize, and understand. ]
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[But even among her "kind"...was she loved?]
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[ It's honest, at least. ]
Jinx is... Different. Most people do not understand or... Have the patience.
[ Again, silco downplays it. ]
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[ He doesn't know, really. Does she want to be understood, or just accepted? Even Silco can't say he always understood his daughter, but... the second he would do. ]
I think what she wants is to be accepted. They aren't always mutually exclusive.
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[No, they aren't. Even he knows that.]
And what would acceptance look like in your world?
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[ A long pause. Something else... Never being abandoned or left again. Never having to worry about losing anymore. He knows these wishes because he has them too, doesn't he? He chooses his words carefully here. ]
Being respected enough that you aren't pushed out of anywhere, and nobody can take from you.
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[To which he adds:]
Do you want that for yourself?
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[ The sound is probably one Vergilius recognizes by now, one of those low-notes of half-thought, half a note of annoyance. Mostly because, well... ]
Doesn't everyone who's lived without it? I don't think I'm much different.
[ It's more than that, of course. It always was, with Silco. There was a broken little piece of psychology, the way people looked at them that made him so driven, and so angry. He'd spent his entire life trying for that respect. The only way to get it, was to be the biggest shark in the ocean, because otherwise... it always fell apart. Always. ]
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I will say I'm a little surprised. I had the impression you had all the respect you craved for, in your position.
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[ But Silco was hungry, and greedy. Or perhaps, more accurately, he knew that outside of the city, there were still those who did not. Those that looked down on them like they were simply the dirt and muck under their boots.
Only good as the profit they could make. ]
There is a saying where we come from. The richest Zaunite is no better than the poorest in Piltover. If I cannot be respected, what of the rest of us? No matter what we achieve, we still do not have what we need to succeed further. Respect.
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[There was something to it. Even he, who hated himself being put on a pedestal, was happy being in a position where no one would tell him what to do.]
[Which brings him to the crux of it all.]
Would you rather be respected? Or feared?
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[ That's complicated, isn't it? A long time ago, he would have said that it was only respect. Even a few years ago, the night he buried a blade in Vander's belly, he would have said the same thing. But he knows the truth. He knows that they are one and the same. At least where he is from. There's no difference. To be feared is to be respected, but one cannot be respected, without being feared. ]
Once, I would have said respect.
Where I am from, you cannot have one without the other. It's a lesson I was forced to learn at great cost.
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[No. At the end of it, they are one and the same, it seems.]
And here, you seek to bring it again for your status. Though maybe nobody has learned to fear you, yet. I don't.
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[ what does THAT mean silco... ]
You see, that is the beauty of rebuilding a reputation from the ground up. Nobody has yet. They have their powers, their positions. [ look, he could just say weird
flirtsinsults but Silco is also just silco and can't help himself ] They will learn to. They can only look away for so long.no subject
[binch,]
Let's hope your bite is as worse as your bark. Else it will all fall flat.
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[😏 ]
You're always so worried I'm all talk.
Someday, you'll find that your worries are unfounded.
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I guess we'll see. Someday. Either way, I'll go do the job. You can come with or not.
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Ha, hopefully you won't regret inviting me along.
We'll discuss the date and time later. I wouldn't want to interrupt your holiday, after all.
[ which he's already doing but yknow ]