Because they must've felt like they had no other choice. The sacrifices they made, of their own people and of those who were drawn in, were for protection. For the sake of their families, the ones who came before and after.
[ she knows it'd be easy. she only asks; she doesn't impede. but her gaze focuses back into him and she loosens her grip on the blanket. ]
It's not right. But it's like the City: it's a symptom of a greater problem, and the way they solved it was through stuff like this. We weren't the first, but we'll have been the last. That's good enough.
[ she wouldn't be who she was if she didn't!!!!! but it makes her smile and she scoots to sit up a little better, exhaling softly. always easier once she's up. it's the getting up that makes her soreness more apparent. ]
No excuse, only reason. I think they've felt enough suffering from the wrath of others anyway... I feel sorry for the children left behind.
[ ... children who, undoubtedly, would resent them, who would be scared and angry, who'd cry and wish they had just died with their parents. malkuth presses her lips together tightly. ]
... It won't be easy for them, but... you have experience, so... can you give them something to look forward to, Vergilius...?
[Now he's withdrawn for an entirely different reason - although he absolutely sees where she's coming from....it pangs him deep in the chest, a familiar thorn to cause a familiar wound.]
Don't give me that. I've heard enough "I don't know"s out of you for a lifetime, goose.
[ sharp, her gaze the same until it softens again. ]
Say "I'll do what I can, Malkuth." Even if what you can do... isn't a lot, or you don't feel like it's a lot. I'll be helping out too however they let us -- and they'd better, since LILITH's the one who wants to taken them in.
[ ... okay, that makes her laugh, and she buries back into her pillow with a sigh. ]
To be honest, seeing you helped. I feel like I could fall asleep as long as you sat next to me.
[ that sort of thing. the safety he grants her, even now... even afflicted, she trusts him. ]
I won't though, promise. I can't ask that of you anymore anyway. [ not yet, maybe. ] ... Even when I was down in that dungeon it was like that. I met Izou by chance, I got onto him about stuff too. It was like... a surge of relief and energy, you know?
[....She shouldn't ask him that. She shouldn't expect that from him. He's not one to rely on, to put hopes into. Those children had hope in him, and what had happened?]
[She turns around that soft hand. The vampire's hunger bristles, but he has to push it back, not unlike yanking a leash from around a dog.]
[He shouldn't be relied on. He wouldn't rely on himself.]
[He reaches out, hesitantly, to rest his fingers within hers, ready to pull away at a moment's notice.]
Surely there are better ways.
[But he would like to be relied on. If that would even be possible.]
[ it's such a small touch, a small give, and malkuth very carefully curls hers around his, loose to let him draw away if he wants but just resistant enough for him to know she doesn't want him to. ]
And? I still want you to be one of them, Vergilius. You don't have to fight me, either. Restraint works until I calm. You can do that, can't you? I always feel safe with you, even now. Even against your better judgement.
[ she knows you, babe. ]
My grumpy goose.
[ not hers, not really, not in the way she wishes, but still hers. ]
[....He pulls the hand up, faltering a little, his own grip shaking, before he places the lightest touch of a kiss against the side of her hand. It's so close. He could bite. He winces as he resists, places it down, even as his grip tightens.]
My lovely...little duck.
[Another wince, pained as ever.]
When I get better....then I'll...do my best. I suppose.
[ ... will there be a time when those words aren't daggers sinking into her heart, pressed there by her own hands? when the ghost of his lips might be less scorching, returned to a warmth she loves to cradle? malkuth wishes he'd trail them from fingertip to wrist, from elbow to the crook of her neck, calling her his all the while, and bites the inside of her cheek hard to distract herself.
focus. he's afflicted, unwell. this sucks for him in more ways than it does her. ]
It's really paining you to be so close to me, huh? I'm a curse to you one way or another.
[ but it's only a soft joke, squeezing his hand before carefully edging her fingers away. ]
Thank you for coming, Vergilius. I'll release you from your torment now.
[In another time, another life, maybe he would do so. One of his favorite things during that blissful time was to kiss around the edge of her neck, trail to lavish attention to the perfect square of skin behind her ear. She was soft then, she's too soft now.]
[Even now, even without the hunger, he could sink into her, and drown.]
[She releases her fingers, gently freeing him from this perch he's found himself on. And even now, as he stands here, his red eyes are welled up with too many emotions. Love, regret, misery, shame, desire, self-destruction.]
...You're not a curse. [He murmurs, finally tearing his eyes away so that he can recede back to the wall. It may be a joke, but...]. Don't call that yourself again.
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[ she knows it'd be easy. she only asks; she doesn't impede. but her gaze focuses back into him and she loosens her grip on the blanket. ]
It's not right. But it's like the City: it's a symptom of a greater problem, and the way they solved it was through stuff like this. We weren't the first, but we'll have been the last. That's good enough.
[ for her, it is. for others... not so. ]
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[How dare you make UNDERSTANDABLE points. He seems to shrink back slightly, still gloomy.]
Gives them no excuse, still. They did this.
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No excuse, only reason. I think they've felt enough suffering from the wrath of others anyway... I feel sorry for the children left behind.
[ ... children who, undoubtedly, would resent them, who would be scared and angry, who'd cry and wish they had just died with their parents. malkuth presses her lips together tightly. ]
... It won't be easy for them, but... you have experience, so... can you give them something to look forward to, Vergilius...?
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[Now he's withdrawn for an entirely different reason - although he absolutely sees where she's coming from....it pangs him deep in the chest, a familiar thorn to cause a familiar wound.]
....I don't know if I can do that, Malkuth.
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[ sharp, her gaze the same until it softens again. ]
Say "I'll do what I can, Malkuth." Even if what you can do... isn't a lot, or you don't feel like it's a lot. I'll be helping out too however they let us -- and they'd better, since LILITH's the one who wants to taken them in.
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...Well, at least I know you're feeling better given that you're taking shots at me. As usual.
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To be honest, seeing you helped. I feel like I could fall asleep as long as you sat next to me.
[ that sort of thing. the safety he grants her, even now... even afflicted, she trusts him. ]
I won't though, promise. I can't ask that of you anymore anyway. [ not yet, maybe. ] ... Even when I was down in that dungeon it was like that. I met Izou by chance, I got onto him about stuff too. It was like... a surge of relief and energy, you know?
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[It hurts. It hurts. He wants, he wants so badly to nestle into her arms, and bite, he wants to bite, and-]
[He lets out a little noise, raising a hand to brush his bangs back for a moment.]
...I suppose, when you act like your old self...then that's what brings you back to reality. You can't let yourself wander too far.
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[ her eyes crinkle at the edges and she grips the blanket a moment before turning her hand over. something of an offer, of contact. ]
Will you always bring me back? Not just from "corroding" as yours call it, but... things like this, too.
[ ...
can... is she allowed to ask that much of him? no, she is, she would of any friend, even if she's still aching for more. ]
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[She turns around that soft hand. The vampire's hunger bristles, but he has to push it back, not unlike yanking a leash from around a dog.]
[He shouldn't be relied on. He wouldn't rely on himself.]
[He reaches out, hesitantly, to rest his fingers within hers, ready to pull away at a moment's notice.]
Surely there are better ways.
[But he would like to be relied on. If that would even be possible.]
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And? I still want you to be one of them, Vergilius. You don't have to fight me, either. Restraint works until I calm. You can do that, can't you? I always feel safe with you, even now. Even against your better judgement.
[ she knows you, babe. ]
My grumpy goose.
[ not hers, not really, not in the way she wishes, but still hers. ]
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My lovely...little duck.
[Another wince, pained as ever.]
When I get better....then I'll...do my best. I suppose.
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focus. he's afflicted, unwell. this sucks for him in more ways than it does her. ]
It's really paining you to be so close to me, huh? I'm a curse to you one way or another.
[ but it's only a soft joke, squeezing his hand before carefully edging her fingers away. ]
Thank you for coming, Vergilius. I'll release you from your torment now.
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[Even now, even without the hunger, he could sink into her, and drown.]
[She releases her fingers, gently freeing him from this perch he's found himself on. And even now, as he stands here, his red eyes are welled up with too many emotions. Love, regret, misery, shame, desire, self-destruction.]
...You're not a curse. [He murmurs, finally tearing his eyes away so that he can recede back to the wall. It may be a joke, but...]. Don't call that yourself again.
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It's just a joke. [ born in some truth. ] But... fine, I won't.
[ hardly a blessing, but. she can't call herself a curse, huh. okay.
... still, still. she teases. ]
Intending to stay until I sleep?